There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
