You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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