What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We have started to decorate penises.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You are the jesus of drinking
It's shark week go big or go home
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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