I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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