You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
