erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
