Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want nice things and good sex
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
