Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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