And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
