so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
