bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
