Jerry, you need to find god
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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