Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
