So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
