Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
