Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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