Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
