whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
