you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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