Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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