I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
