I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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