would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
