if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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