Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
