are you still at the devil's house?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
