he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just had sex bonerless
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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