are you so shy because you have an std?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
