Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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