i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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