Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
