We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
