My friends, they love my intelligence
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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