You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
