Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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