I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
