I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
