the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
