just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
being pregnant is like rehab
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
