...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
