kristin has been a bad kristin
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
