Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
