I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
