Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
