Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
