i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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