She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
