why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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