If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
