i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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