I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
