having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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