Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize