So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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