Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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