New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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