If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
