if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
