ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
