yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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