me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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