it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
